Trust Issues. NaPoWriMo Day 1

I have trust issues.
Not because of some deep-rooted blocked bad memory. No.
Not because of my tendency to think more than feel. No.
Not because of an unfavorable outcome from when I once did. No.
Not because I want commitment or else it is not worth the time. No.

I walk into Subway – confident, beaming, ravenous. With my eyes on the target I walk up to the counter. Glance at the cookies, but that’s not what I came for.

“Sub of the day please.Double meat.Extra pickles.Southwest,Sweet Oni-“
“I’m sorry we no longer serve Sub of the Day.”

Dumbstruck.Too confused to move. The words form in my mind but mid response I lose my voice.
I had a plan.
I knew what I needed.
I don’t have a plan B; abort mission?

The line behind me suddenly seems longer.
People more anxious to order.
A teenager on her phone, sighing in exasperation.
Sweat starts forming on my forehead. Perspiration – not a good sign. Think fast. Act faster.

“I’ll have an Italian BMT.Thanks.”
“Choice of bread?”
Decisions.

I walk out 15 minutes later, with a packed Sub that will probably get soggy soon. All because I said “All sauces.” in a rush.

I breathe slowly and walk into the McDonald’s a few blocks down. You know what never goes wrong? Iced Tea.
“Namaste”
“Hi. Take away for one Iced Tea and large fries please.”
“Sorry, our machine is broken. Could I interest you in a hot coffee? A smoothie? Our delicious Oreo shake?”
Decisions.

brutus_betrayal

I have trust issues.
Not because of some deep-rooted blocked bad memory. No.
Not because of my tendency to think more than feel. No.
Not because of an unfavorable outcome from when I once did. No.
Not because I want commitment or else it is not worth the time. No.

I have trust issues because I don’t get Iced Tea when I need it. I always need to be prepared for things to go tumbling down. For a machine mishap or a menu change.
Stepping into the world where I can’t be certain if I will get what I want; will it stay? Will it change? Will I be able to adapt to the change?
How will I cope? What impact will it have on my life?

I have trust issues, because you can never predict what will happen in life. You can never be prepared for it all.
All you can do is take it one step at a time and try to adapt;with that slight nagging feeling of uncertainty.

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